Do men PMS? The thought occurred to the author, whose mood swings have often drawn parallels to the women’s menstrual cycle. So much so that it’s become common for his friends to declare “he’s got his chums” every time his mood goes for a toss.
For the uninitiated, it’s a medically recognized condition called IMS or Irritable Male Syndrome. They could have been a bit more considerate and named it something more fatal-sounding, or in Latin with a few more syllables. At least that would have garnered sympathy for those suffering. Instead, it’s just scientific proof for women to think of men as douche bags. God only knows the reactions from traditionalists, sexists, male chauvinists & the moral police. Fingers will be pointed at the LGBT community, feminism, chow mein, movies and whatever new scapegoat is found.
Anyhow, the bottom line is: IMS is real. It’s the testosterone getting messed up in the body, some kind of imbalance. Funny news is that men can actually track their IMS cycle. Observe your mood swings during the month and you will see a pattern appear. Apps like PeriodTracker, Clue and Glow will have a whole new market opened up for their products. Headlines will soon shout “Men’s periods app becomes an unicorn company with a billion $ valuation following a second round of funding”. Basically, the IMS cycle in men is just like the menstrual cycle in women, except for the conspicuous lack of excruciating pain, the constant cramps and the shower of blood.
It has been found that IMS can be seasonal too. April sees a slump in testosterone levels and peaks in November. That seems plausible since the Financial Year end in March and the Indian summer would have drained out any testosterone inducing possibilities in a man. November is happy hours in our country with Diwali bonuses, celebrations, offers, travel, bearable climate. So voila, happy testosterone!
Apparently, weight gain is also a culprit. It increases the estrogen levels (female hormones) in the male body. So the fatter you get, the more lady-like you become. Apart from the standard “What would my wife say?” question helping you think like a woman, you then start asking yourself “Does this shirt make me look fat?”.
But men! Don’t fret. Between ages 40-55 you either make it or give up on life. Either of these rids you of stress. Not caring what the world thinks of you is the first step back to manhood, albeit in your 40s. No wonder its said 40s is the new 20s. Anyhow, this nirvana phase has a medical nomenclature too – andropause.
So is there any way to fight IMS?
Well, not exactly. But a few of these might help:
– More bro time with your buddies. (P.S: War Dogs is in theatres now).
– Sync your IMS cycle with your bros. Make it a gang thing so you share a crappy time together.
– Don’t ever sync your cycle with your wife. It’s called sympathy PMS. Not a good idea. You don’t want to be a douche bag when your wife not in the mood to take your shit.
– Drink Heineken. As the brand tagline goes “It opens your world”.
So do men PMS? Yes we do!
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